Jun 10, 2011

{our sweet little blessing baby}

This little post has been quite a few days coming, so far - & its reaaaally long. I'm sorry for that.

A lot of our friends have been asking since monday what the word is on our little baby after our ultrasound that afternoon - monday to friday is a long time to wait to say anything, but we kind of needed the week to process everything a little more.

So basically, we had our ultrasound monday & i thought we'd find out the sex within a few minutes & be done & go off and celebrate. the end, kind of thing.

But they found some things in our little babys brain from the ultrasound that we weren't expecting - i don't think any expecting mom really plans on hearing that her baby will be any different from any other healthy baby. & i wasn't either. so monday we left knowing that our little babys brain didn't seem to be growing quite like it should & there was a lot of fluid in the left side that was making it swell that could be a sign of some kind of syndrome. so by the time we left on monday we had an appointment scheduled with another doctor on tuesday to do a more in depth ultrasound at the hospital the next day.

The next afternoon, we sat through another very long ultrasound appointment. the swelling was still visible, & the doctor also found some problems with a few of the babys organs - primarily its bowels, & it looked like it was possibly missing both of its radius bones {one of the two bones in your lower arms}, & my umbilical cord also appeared to be a single artery cord - two is typical, or normal.

Oh! but we did finally found out the sex that day, too. A little boy. Hopefully he'll look like his daddy :)

So obviously, saying its been a crazy few days for us is a major understatement.
I've never quite felt 22, but i feel about twice my age, now.
it's been a big growing up week - the most bitterly sad times i think either daniel or i have ever experienced, but also strangely peaceful, too.

The first question from our doctor was if we even wanted to proceed with the pregnancy - & with the little bit of control we have right now, we're choosing life, absolutely for our little baby boy.

Right now, our next step is to decide if we want to get any testing done, either thru blood work or an amnio - neither will give us any absolute answers, or even really half answers, but we could possibly know to prepare a bit more for when our baby comes.

So, that is where we are now - we won't have any more answers for the next several weeks at least, & most likely until our little guy is born.

In the meantime - I think we're really doing about as well as possible. Our hearts are sad for our little boy, & its easy to let ourselves become bitter or angry or scared about what this could mean for our family, but those haven't been our all-consuming thoughts. Finding out your child has an illness or deformity or a chromosomal problem just doesn't seem fair, but we serve a God that is bigger than any ultrasound screening or any problems that our little boy could have. So even in the midst of something like this, Daniel & I have felt such a massive peace over our lives that I can't even explain. Even in the moments that feel the hardest & I think that maybe my heart could break & my eyes can't cry anymore - they're tears for our baby, but also a strange gladness that the Lord would care enough about us to grow us this way & trust us with this little baby - because it's really His baby, & not ours, after all.

To a lot of people that must sound absolutely crazy, I know it does. A lot of what I've said might even sound kind of gibberishy. There is a verse, though, that I think really explains what we're feeling in Psalm 27:12

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord…"

& we really do believe that, even though we've found ourselves in moments where its easy to despair.
I can see a little better already how really awful things like this can somehow turn out for our good. They work good in us & expands our hearts - they hurt a lot more, but they are also more compassionate.
It makes us pray so much more than we ever have before. Our marriage & our faith is stronger & we love our little baby so much more than we did before our ultrasound Monday...

We've been talking a lot the past few days, too, about how we should pray for our boy, because we do believe that God has formed our little son & he can heal his body. So we're praying for healing - either a miraculous healing or through medical ways, but even if God chooses that our best isn't to heal our little man - we know we trust & follow a God that is kind & loves us so so much.

Daniel had emailed me this morning a verse that I think sums how we want to pray for healing in Daniel 3:17-18. If you're not familiar with the story of Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego, this verse is right before they were being thrown into a fiery furnace for refusing to worship the King's idols:

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from Your Majesty's hand. But even if He does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Their prayer was for deliverance, but even if God chose not to answer their prayers the way they wanted, they were willing to submit to what He had for them.

So for a while we will wait. & see how the Lord works out the rest of our family story while we try to just live a day at a time & take each doctors appointment & each glad & sad thing as they come.

Sorry again for the massive length of this - its been the hardest post for me to try to write in not too long terms all that we've been thinking the past few days - but we wanted our family & friends to know our hearts - {& what we want our hearts to be} as we're walking through the next few months. We're so grateful for all the care we've received already & all of your prayers, so thank you!


58 comments:

  1. Wow. I can't imagine the week you guys have been through. God does and can heal for His glory. I know God has a plan for your little boy! Prayer go out for you guys!

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  2. I don't think I've commented here before but I feel the need to tell you that I will be praying for your family and for the healing of your precious son. If it is alright I would like to ask permission to share this with my facebook and ask others to pray. If that would be too much of an invasion of privacy I would understand. Again I will be praying and I know our Lord will give your family strength.
    God Bless,
    Jenny

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  3. Praise the Lord for that peace He's given you. We've experienced peace like that before and I don't know how we could have coped without it. We have been consistently praying for you guys and will continue to pray for your sweet buddy. Natalie Renstrom

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  4. praying for you & your little man. just keep looking to God for strength in this trial--he WILL be faithful to your little family. i know that one thing that has kept me through the past few rough months is that EVERYTHING God does is for our good & his glory. find comfort in that. and you are so right to remember that this little boy is a precious gift from God, & that he IS God's. as parents, we should find joy in the fact that we have been given such a special responsibility to care for one of his children, no matter what the circumstance, or for how long. keep on, friend. God is definitely glorified in your life. ♥

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  5. I hardly know what to say...so I'll just echo what everyone else has said and promise that I'll be praying for the two of you and for your precious baby boy.

    ~Kristin

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  6. goodness. . . Not sure what to say! so i'll just echo what everyone else has kindly said. Praying for you two and you're little one. God has you in His strong hands my dear.
    much love to you all

    ~Jordan

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  7. My thoughts and prayers go out to your family and baby boy. <3

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  8. love you so much mindy. you summed it up perfectly. you guys are so inspiring to me. you know i will be praying for you guys and your little man! :)

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  9. sending prayers and warm thoughts your way. How lucky your little boy is to have parents like you. Hoping things work out the way God wants them to!

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  10. I'm sending so many good thoughts and prayers your way. You are both such wonderful people and deserve this baby. I have tears for you right now after reading your post, and I hope that your little boy can be healthy and you can live a happy life together. Stay strong, I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.

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  11. I will be praying for strength for the two of you, and healing for your little baby! I know this is a hard time with difficult decisions and periods of waiting. I truly believe that God has a plan for us, and that God's plan will bring about our greatest fulfillment and joy in the end.

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  12. Praying, praying, praying. Believing in His promises for your little son! God bless you guys!

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  13. wow - I actually teared up reading this post.

    it's kind of ironic that you referenced that verse in Daniel; I did a Bible study series not too long ago on the book of Daniel, and when we got to that part, I remember the teacher saying how there are 3 scenarios when we face trial or "fire" in our lives:

    1 - God takes us TO the fire, and that's our final destination, but we trust that He is good and that whatever happens He will be glorified.
    2 - God takes us AROUND the fire, in that He removes the situation altogether, usually through some kind of miracle
    3 - God takes us THROUGH the fire, where we must go through it knowing that He is using the situation to work on us and through us.

    I pray you'd continue to feel His peace, which surpasses all understanding as it all unfolds!

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  14. I will be praying for your precious baby boy -- and your faithful and loving hearts! You guys are SO SO amazing! Whatever happens -- I know that God will do beautiful things through your family. (:

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  15. mindy you wrote this so beautifully. i admire your faith and courage so much!! i love you and can't wait to meet your precious baby boy!! as always i will keep you guys in my prayers!!

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  16. My heart is hurting so much for you right now. I walked this same path two years ago almost to the day with my Sammy. It is so hard, but God really is there in the storm. I have no real advice, but giving my little guy a name right away when we got the ultrasound results helped me through the pregnancy, and treasuring every movement and kick was priceless. I pray you get your miracle. God bless.

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  17. I'm in choir with Wendy and have been praying for you all for the past couple of days since she shared, and I will continue to pray for you...with you...for your precious baby boy! I can only imagine how hard it was to find the right words for this post, but you have weaved them together so beautifully. Thank you for sharing your heart, your faith, and your trust in our Sovereign Lord who is faithful to His promises and faithful to His children. Praying that even through the ache you continue to know His perfect peace that surpasses all understanding.

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  18. We love you guys. Let us know if there's anything we can do.
    Kath and Chris

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  19. Daniel, Mindy and Baby Boy...
    My husband and I are praying for you. We have not officially met, but we both go to Crossway. We are Gil and Tracey Gardner.
    On a note of encouragement, please know that you have already shown God that you are relying on him...just reading this, I am in awe of the growth I see. You, friends are far more grown than I think I am. Lean into our Father and know that his path for you is the best path. We have added you to our prayer list and we will pray for your strength and peace and complete healing for Babyboy. Your sister in Christ, Tracey Gardner.

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  20. This really touched my heart. Not very often do you find someone that truly holds on to God when hard times come. Praying for you guys!

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  21. Love you Mindy... we are praying for your hearts and for your precious boy. One thing we have learned thru the years is the Lord can ALWAYS be trusted. He is ALWAYS faithful. He is ALWAYS good. Love you!

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  22. It is amazing to hear how your faith is so solid in the Lord. Sad to hear the news but it sounds like you have your eyes set on the Lord and whatever He may have planned. Like an earlier post, "What a wonderful thing for this baby boy to have parents like the two of you."

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  23. Mindy, we will be praying for you, Daniel, and Little Man! We will pray for your hearts through these next several months and for healing for him. Love you all!

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  24. You are not alone in your prayers. Thank you for sharing this post. I'm sure it was hard to type out. :( My mom went through something like this when she was pregnant with me. And it's almost like I can kind of understand now what she went through through your post. I was diagnosed with a form of mental illness before I was born and my mom's doctor advised her to have an abortion. But my mom and her friends/family prayed and prayed and I think I turned out pretty alright (I was born without any defects after all) :). What you said is definitely true, God is so much more than screenings and whatnot. I pray that He sheds a multitude of His love and comfort to you and your family. Your blog is such a blessing. Thank you so much for being open and sharing your faith.

    "surrendered souls are shaped by trials. Pain. Hardship. Suffering. Physical. Emotional. Spiritual. God breaks those he intends to bless." (from my pastor's blog)

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  25. praying for you and your sweet baby boy!!

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  26. You are in my prayers. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. God is watching over your family.

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  27. Wow, I can already see how God is using you guys through your response.
    Lord,
    thank you for the Colemans. I pray that you would heal their boy. Thank you for your love towards them. I pray that through this your love for them would become even more real as they come closer to you. Thank you for their commitment to you and to their child. We know that your way is always the best way, and we pray that you will choose to heal this little guy.
    Thank you,
    Amen

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  28. I have told my whole family to pray!!! We belive that your little one can be fully healed by our Father (God)!

    Sending blessings and prayers your way :)

    The Kampermans <3 xoxoxox

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  29. Mindy,

    You guys will be daily in my prayers. What a testimony you have even in a week of pressing into the Lord in the midst of confusion, suffering, and joy all at the same time. Praying for healing of your sweet little boy and much grace in the months ahead.

    Love,
    The Swans

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  30. We're kind of going through the same thing right now. Except our baby has a cleft lip and palate. What I'm trying to say is, I know what it's like to have to digest big news. I have tons of verses to share (that have comforting to me) but I'm on my iPhone so instead I'll just share the post I wrote after I found out about Bubsies "condition"
    http://kaitslife.wordpress.com/2011/05/11/the-post-in-which-i-trust/
    Please know that there are so many people praying for YOU and for baby. If you ever just need to talk to someone if similar shoes feel free to email me.
    Also know that this baby is loved and God has a plan for him and that I am so proud of the maturity that you are showing. I don't even know you and i feel like a proud Mama. Creepy. Maybe. Heartfelt. Definitely.

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  31. Written so beautifully my sweet Mindy...I'm already so in love with my new gbaby boy..

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  32. you guys have been on my heart since i read this. cant deny, i've teared up a few times as i think about your beautiful hearts that are surely evident in your response. i was praying for you and sort of overcome with gratitude that God chose to give this precious gift to a couple who will love and keep their child. i will pray for miraculous healing. and i know, as i pray, that the little boy who you are blessed with, will be loved and treasured by his mom and dad. and that is a wonderful thought.

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  33. hi mindy,

    I've been reading your blog for a few months now...we met when we were almost just kids (not sure if you would remember that, back in AZ), but I am praying and will be praying for your sweet boy. you are one courageous momma and I'm sure this road is so hard to walk, but so grateful the Lord is near to you both.

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  34. Mindy,

    Praying for you guys and your little one! For continued peace, and strength in the weeks and months ahead. Be encouraged, as others have said, that God IS "our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling." Psalm 46:1-3

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  35. i am praying for you and your family and your little boy. i loved the verses that you shared. we are studying Daniel at my church right now, and it was really encouraging to see you apply those verses to your situation. i'll be praying for God's peace to surround your family and that He'll put His arms around you guys and heal your precious baby! thank you for posting this. it was very encouraging. God loves you guys so much!

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  36. what an incredibly sweet post. so much heartache, but more than heartache- love and peace and God's will at work. good luck with the coming months of trials & celebrations, and this sweet baby boy is so so so lucky to have you two as his parents.

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  37. It's so inspiring that you have so much peace and hope at a time that could be full of angst. You both are already good parents, and that baby will be very lucky whatever happens! Love saves

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  38. Mindy you and husband and your dear son are in my prayers. This post in amazing. Truly, you are a woman of God & I bet He is well pleased with your heart. Im sorry I havent commented sooner. I just read this today. If you need anything... seriously I know Im in VA but feel free to let me know. :) Blessings <3

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  39. Hi Mindy! just one of your many blog readers sending you some love. I am so encouraged by this post and your example(s) of courage, faith, and readiness for what God has ahead of you. And not to mention PEACE. This is the true meaning of peace that surpasses all understanding. You have the right attitude for sure and I know that God is going to bless you guys beyond belief. I'm excited for you!

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  40. you guys are in my prayers!! God has you and your little boy in the palm of His hand and has a perfect plan! Continue to seek Him for your strength, peace and comfort!!

    much love to you all♥♥

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  41. I Will be praying For you, your husband and your baby boy. God can do miracles! I have seen it. My baby was born not breathing and God restored his life after they did cpr and right before they where going to announce his time of death! How knows the plans God has for your baby? God does. Sometimes it's to make you stronger! I was told someone the week before Levi was born, that God really only did miracles in Bibical days...I started really believing by seeing all the sickness and hurt around me. I think everything I went through God was trying to show me otherwise! That God can still do and does miracles. YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THE SONG BLESSINGS BY LAURA STORY! GREAT SONG I THINK IT WILL GIVE YOU ENCOUGRAGMENT! I will be praying for you!

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  42. This almost brought me to tears! You and your little family are definitely in my prayers, especially your little boy. Whatever his health ails are, he is still a gift from God.

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  43. i'm visiting from 'the not so pharaoh farrow' blog. i'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers. i know this has to be a difficult time for you, and i pray that God gives you strength.

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  44. First time checking out your blog, came from the not so pharaoh farrows blog. This brought tears to my eyes. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your husband are going through. I will lift you and your sweet little family up. <3 Our God IS able.

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  45. Thank you for sharing your strength in Christ with us. Being a mama, I am so encouraged by your words. Your little guy, and your family are in my prayers. To Him be the glory.

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  46. I will say a prayer for you, your husband and your precious lil baby.
    God is good and has a plan... stay faithful to Him.

    God bless.

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  47. Wow. I have no words. I found your blog through The Not So Pharrohs and I am beside myself with prayer for you and your family. Hugs to you all.

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  48. Such wisdom and beauty in your words! Praying that your lil man will be a perfectly healthy boy and that his life will be a testimony to God's goodness!

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  49. Just wanted to say that I'll be praying for you, your husband and your little baby boy. Reading your post gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes. The Lord is faithful. Your trust in Him is a beautiful thing, that I believe He will reward you for. Keep holding on to Him, He's holding on so tight to you.
    x

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  50. I admire your hearts while being willing to let the Lord take control. My heart aches for you, and the pain you are feeling...but I also see the peace. I know that God has a design in this, and that your baby boy is precious and perfect, because he's the way our Father made him.
    Our prayers go out for you, that you may continue to find strength and peace in the arms of the Savior.

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  51. Will be praying for you all... Yesterday, today and all of your tomorrows xx

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  52. You both are on my heart. Will be praying for you, your hubby and your precious baby boy! Cast all your cares on the Lord! He is always with you. <3

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  53. Oh gosh this was hard.
    I want you three to know that i am praying for you too, despite i don't think we believe in God in the same way, i am with you and i'm about to shred some tears right now, just because, as you said, this is a chance to expand our hearts and believe more than ever. I believe in love, and that God is Love. And all the love that we, your readers and family and friends, are feeling, just like our hearts burning inside, will travel through the universe to encourage you, accompany you. We are with you through this, whatever happens and in whichever way we can, even just leaving a kind comment and praying, getting to know you under this circumstances makes me feel that God is also telling me to love my neighbor as myself.

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  54. Thank you for choosing life for your baby boy. He may be born facing more challenges in his life or if God wills completly healed but God has a plan for him to use him in a special way I am sure. May God be with you and your family as you walk through these difficult days. Praying for you.

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  55. oh, my husband and i just read this and we just want you to know that you are in our prayers. we don't know you all but we just had a little boy about a year ago and what a precious blessing you are bringing into the world! many, many blessings...

    love, arielle

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  56. My parents went through something similar when my mother was pregnant with my little brother. The doctors thought he was going to be retarded- but my parents put my brother in the Lord's hands.

    He was born perfectly healthy! The Lord had healed whatever might have been wrong.
    My little brother celebrated his ninth birthday this year. I know God can do amazing things.

    I admire you two for the way you are responding- God is glorified in your lives. Keep trusting Him. :)

    I'm praying for your family!

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  57. I'm praying for your little family! I just wanted to echo what Rebekah said just above me: there have been so so many children that the doctors swore up and down would be physically or mentally imperfect but then the baby was born perfectly well. I'll pray that is the case with your little boy. Even if not, you have such a good foundation to help him with in your love for Christ and each other. Thank you for choosing life. You are already such a good mom.

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